I'm supposed to slow down

...but I simply can't.

After an agonizing day of pain in my pelvic region from what I can only think is the twisting of my pelvic cyst or torsion (which may not be), and 800mg of ibuprofen later, I finally feel pain-free in the evening.

I quickly take the opportunity to swim. I figure, let's try 200m and see what happens. I haven't swum in almost a full week, I think. I haven't worked out for the same amount of time, and I have been eating and enjoying food over the last week despite the various ups and downs of my health news. So I'm due a good session. And I need to clear my head of the rubbish that's been going in! Let's see if my lower abs bother me.

200m and I am fine, so let's go for 400m. I'm still fine. Let's shoot for 600m. Hmm, I think I'd better stop after I hit the mark, but no, I'm barely breathing hard. Okay. 750m. I'm not only going strong, I'm not really stopping for a break. I am the fittest I have ever been in a long long time, yet I have all these worries about cancer and a small matter of a naughty (biggish) cyst. It doesn't make sense that I think I am fit does it? But I don't feel tired, when many times I get sluggish.

At the 900m mark, I finally feel a bit winded. I'm having to breathe more often. I figure I did a combo of 40% breast and 60% free. And not a slow relaxing breast stroke at that. So at 900m, it makes sense to round it up to an even 1km. I do exactly that and I feel like I'm on top of the world. I did it in 25 mins, which is much more than super fit people need, but for me it is pretty darn good. Exit. Shower.

Feeling fantastic. I hope I don't pay for it later. Thank you painkillers. I hope I get to do this again tomorrow but in the sun. And maybe I won't need as much ibuprofen.

This swim was not really for vanity, but for my sanity.

High Pain Threshold

If there's one thing I have in common with my favorite champion, Rafael Nadal, is that we both have high pain thresholds. He talks about enjoying suffering so that he can achieve all that he has in tennis.

And by the way, what a fantastic Roland Garros for him in 2013. A crazy first week where he left us on the brink every match, and the semi-final against Djokovic that was such a nail-biter. And, in the Final he was able to close out David Ferrer 3, 2 and 3.. I'm so happy. He made my day yesterday when he won his 8th French Open. Funny how that covers up all your worries even if just for a day.

Okay, maybe I don't enjoy suffering as much as Rafa does, but there is something to be said for a little pain to make you feel alive. I don't necessarily enjoy suffering but I can take it. I can take quite a bit of it before I start really complaining. Contractions at childbirth took the cake when I tried to go without an epidural.

Pain to the point of curling up into the fetal position is not my idea of fun. However, that seems to be the running theme this week. I'm still not exactly sure what is causing my pain, but I know I have a pelvic cyst that begs to be removed, as soon as possible.

Consulting over the phone with some specialists, I know this:
1. I have to get it surgically removed, no matter what.
2. I can't wait or suppress it with painkillers or other medication
3. if I do nothing, it may a) rupture and therefore become an emergency to get it removed or b) become choked of blood supply and cause necrosis which in turn also becomes an emergency
4. I have to get a biopsy of the other ovary
5. I could have adhesions to other parts that may need to be released
6. I could have internal haemorrhaging of the cyst already
7. I could have ovarian torsion - twisting of the cyst which causes the pain - which is what I personally believe I'm suffering from now.

I first heard of the term high pain threshold from my mum. She described herself as having this, and always would chide us for not being able to put up with a little bit of suffering or pain. As I grew older, I found that I was more and more like her. I would be able to put up with a lot of pain. I'm not sure what her perception of me is now but I sure feel like I inherited this from her.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like to be in pain. As a doctor told me tonight, "We want you to have a better quality of life."  No shit. I want that too. Who'd rather live in pain than not? I can't think of a single person. Okay, maybe my mum would rather sit and wait around than consult a doctor..but is it worth it? I wonder that myself. I'm left contemplating whether I can push this off till I return to my other realm, where I don't have to pay for surgery (not as much as here anyway) and enjoy the remainder of my summer - the summer that I planned to actually be free of illnesses and just enjoy my life before returning to work in the fall. I didn't intend to be recuperating and healing the whole damn summer.

But it seems I can't be waiting around. I need to get this done. The general consensus is "Oh Gosh, Gigi, get it done." So I'm hoping that in the next few days, I will get a reasonable surgeon to operate on me and fix me. Once and for all. I don't want to be healing from cuts in my abdomen again, for a long time. Or better yet, ever!