Friday, August 2, 2013

Just another rant: this one is about Control Freaks!

Within the narrowest of definitions, I think everyone qualifies as a control freak. Who wouldn't want to be in control at least of themselves? It's the undesired parts of "control freakery" that are so annoying. Really!!

Having being accused of being a control freak, I will own up to many things that I do and expect of others. Yes, I want to know what I will be doing and when I will be doing it. Yes, I want you to damn-well RSVP so I can plan the party and know how many guests are going to be running around my house. Yes, as a mother, I want my daughter to do exactly as she is told because there is a method to the method and it isn't madness! (And if she finds a better way of doing something, I will willingly integrate it into daily usage). Yes, I want things to be done the right way. When there are established methods of doing things that are logical and that lead to success, I do my best to follow those methods I have followed before. I don't see anything wrong with that. Do you? If those are the things that make me a control freak, then OK, call me one.

What I don't get is the passive-aggressive type of control freakery. For instance, some people will ask questions or say things to lead you to "draw a conclusion" and make you do what they want . You know what I mean don't you? Instead of telling you something like "We ran out of coffee, can you please get some when you're at the shop?" They will say, "Hey the coffee bin is empty you know." and then expect you to get some from the shop.

Or it is the passive-aggressive silent treatment disapproval that these control freaks give you when you inevitably do something that is not pleasing to them. And until you fall in line and do what you're expected to do, you won't be getting any favorable attention..

Then there is the possessiveness of some who try to dictate your every move: what you do, what you wear, where you are going, who you are meeting, what time will you be home, where are you now, and of course the mother of all of that: What are you doing and with whom?

And don't get me started on people who don't understand what an opinion means. An opinion is simply that. It is not gospel. If I ask your opinion, I'm interested in what you think. Sometimes it could be someone asking for advice but that advice may not be followed. Don't get offended if I don't follow your opinion to the letter. At best, an opinion is a suggestion. I personally am quite clear about this. If someone asks me for my opinion/advice, and they don't take it into account, it's okay with me. They may not agree with me and I'm totally all right with that.

The inability to deal with ambiguity or unplanned situations is a serious problem. I find myself stuck in between wanting to be prepared, and wanting to just be spontaneous. Frequently, the latter has won. I find myself wanting to plan more, but I have an undeniable affinity with spontaneity. I like surprises (but not nasty ones!), and I like to surprise people. I like the unknown and I'm intrigued by it. It's exciting to be in a completely new place or situation and go with the flow. I don't quite understand the people who cannot deal with that at all. Surely it must be a "release" from the humdrum of a schedule?

I will admit that there are certain things I expect from certain people in my life. I constantly have to assess and manage those expectations. I find that the less I expect of others, the happier I am. My goal is to seek happiness, and not be bitter or frustrated by others. But is expecting less necessarily better? I'm not sure.

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